


I will let you

by Thorinsmut



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen, Sad, Unrequited Love, there is no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorinsmut/pseuds/Thorinsmut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin loves Dis, the sister of Thorin.<br/>Dis sees Dwalin as a brother.<br/>He promised her he would keep her sons safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will let you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laughingknife](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=laughingknife).



> Originally posted at http://thorinsmut.tumblr.com/post/41228677924/i-will-let-you

Dwalin could see the grief in her, in the set of her shoulders, in the distance of her blue eyes looking _past_ everything.  
Where someone who did not know her as he did might have seen cold strength, to him she looked as fragile as a sheet of ice.  
He had heard of her coming, and he had left the Mountain alone to meet her. He wore no weapons, no armor… he could not have felt more bare if he had been naked.  
She had spotted him, in the distance, and had left her traveling companions behind, striding out ahead to meet him with her hand on her axe…  
They met alone, in the valley before the Mountain. They stood, wordlessly, and he could see the pain in the set of her jaw… the circles under her eyes from too little sleep… a hollowness in her cheeks from not eating enough… a fresh crop of silver decorating her dark hair…  
Dwalin lowered himself awkwardly to his knees, the sharp bite of the frost in the early-spring morning biting into his bare hands as he bent forward, the back of his neck laid bare to her.  
“My Lady Dis.” He spoke to her travel-worn boots, “I have failed you.”

He had trained her to fight himself… even when he was young he and his brother Balin had fine reputations as fighters, and the fact that they shared a great-great-grandfather meant his family was Noble enough to be trusted with training the children of Royalty.  
Thorin, the Heir, fought well, though he could at times become bored or frustrated before perfecting a new technique… blond-haired Frerin fought with a great deal of enthusiasm and not much thought… but it was the youngest, Dis, who was his favorite student. She _studied_ the axe, driving herself relentlessly toward perfection, never content with ‘good enough’. Often she would stay after her lessons were over, wanting to practice more, or go over a battle scenario, or get his opinion on a new technique. More than once he had gotten in trouble with Balin for keeping her from her lessons in History and Diplomacy, or Oin for making her late to her lessons in Plant Lore.  
Dwalin could see the fine warrior she would become, even when she was an awkward adolescent with a patchy beard who hadn’t grown into her bones yet.  
He would not forget the day he had found her in their practice space early… systematically destroying a practice dummy with with her axe. She had glared up at him as he entered, scrubbing at her reddened eyes with the back of her hand before continuing to shred the poor practice dummy.  
“Tell me.” He’d said, simply, sitting down on a bench, and she had buried her axe in the head of the much-abused practice dummy and come over to sit beside him.  
“I was sparring with Frerin and he beat me, and then he said… that it didn’t matter how much I practiced I would _never_ be as good as him because I’m a girl…”  
“Frerin is nearly a decade your elder,” he’d said, “and should know better than to spew such nonsense… You are better than he was at your age, and that has _everything_ to do with practice and dedication.”  
Dis had smiled weakly up at him, and he’d put his hand on her shoulder, reassuring her… and then they had had a good practice session… and as far as she knew that was the end of it.  
His next practice session with Frerin had been an eye-opener for the blond prince. Dwalin had suggested unarmed combat practice… and then for the first time showed his true strength to the younger Dwarf, easily absorbing any attack the prince managed to land on him, quickly overpowering him and forcing him to the floor, where he knelt with one knee on Frerin’s chest… the prince gasping, staring up at him with terrified blue eyes. He leaned down close to the frightened prince.  
“I am bigger, and stronger, and older than you.” Dwalin had growled, “Maybe, someday, you will be able to beat me, but not yet. Today, I can easily beat you. Does that mean that I should insult your skill? Should I mock your dedication and practice?”  
“N…no?” Frerin’s confusion was obvious. Dwalin stood, roughly lifting the blond prince to his feet by his jacket, intentionally using more strength than necessary to drive home the difference in their sizes.  
“Mind how you treat your sister.” He’d growled, and stomped out of the practice room, slamming the door closed behind him.  
It had marked a bit of a turning point in his relationship with the two younger royals… Frerin took the lesson well, and seemed to have gained some respect for Dwalin and his teaching, and Dis… he became her friend as well as her teacher. She sought his opinion on much more than just fighting techniques, and he did his best to give her good advice.

As they all grew older, eventually his individual tutoring was no longer necessary, but while he was no longer their teacher, all three of the royal siblings still sought him out. He often accompanied Thorin and Frerin on trips outside the Mountain, and Dis always came to him for a spirited sparring match if she was having a bad day and needed to blow off steam.  
She would never be a classical beauty, she took after her eldest brother, tall and broad-boned, with too many angles and not enough curves… but she was beautiful to him. He was more than half in love with her, if he let himself admit it… but it was clear that in her heart he occupied the space of ‘brother’, and he was honored to have that.

When Erebor fell, their relationships changed again… the lines between royalty and not, between family and friend, blurring into meaninglessness as they wandered, displaced.  
Dwalin shared a tent with their family, when there was a tent to be had. When he was successful in hunting or finding work, his spoils were shared between them all, and when times were bad they starved together.  
More than once he overheard Dis referring to himself and the two princes as ‘my brothers’.  
He did everything in his power to see that she had as good a life as he could make it, as meager as that was. He tried every day to give her something to smile about… whether it was finding a handful of ripe berries, or catching a fat hare for their dinner, or carving her a little wooden beard comb to replace the jeweled one she’d left behind in Erebor.  
Thorin noticed… of course he noticed… he took Dwalin aside one day to talk to him, his eyes worried.  
“You and Dis…” He’d begun, and Dwalin had cut him off.  
“I know she sees me as a brother.” He’d assured the prince. “I expect nothing of her… but if I can make her life easier I will.” And Thorin had nodded in sad understanding, and nothing more had needed to be said.

Dwalin was with them when they carved a home for themselves out of the Blue Mountains… and then he did have to leave them and he wandered alone, looking for work and trouble and finding both in equal measure, and always returning to the Blue Mountains, always bringing gifts back, anything he could do to make their lives better.  
He kept the heartbreak out of his face when there was a new face at the table… when he saw the way her eyes traveled to the Dwarf, the way they smiled at one another…  
He stood beside her brothers at her wedding… and he could not hate her husband, because he was a good man who cared for her, and a fine warrior too.  
He fell in love with her two sons, when they were born… the first a tiny copy of Frerin, and the second a dark-haired beauty like his mother.

Azanulbizar changed things again. He had marched off together with the King, and her father, and her two brothers, and her husband.  
He came back with only Thorin.  
He had lost his father and his King and far too many friends.  
She had lost everything.  
He was with her when she carefully explained to her sons that Papa, and Grandpa, and Great Grandpa, and Uncle Frerin were never coming home again.  
He was with her after she had sent them to sleep and she screamed and wept into his furs, pounding with her fists on his chest in impotent grief.  
He and Thorin both had promised to take care of her and her boys. He brought her every last penny of his earnings he could spare, and when the boys were old enough he trained them to fight as he had trained their mother.  
He told himself that “Mister Dwalin” said in _that_ tone of voice was just as good as “Papa”… and he tried to be as good a father figure as a battered old warrior like himself could. Between himself and Thorin, and Balin helping with their more academic studies, they were raised as closely to the princes they should have been as a people in exile could manage.

They were good boys, Fili and Kili… more than enough to make an uncle and an honorary uncle proud. When they had insisted on coming along on the quest to reclaim Erebor he had been pleased… it would be a fine way for them both to prove themselves.  
Dis was not pleased.  
“I have already told Thorin.” She’d pulled him aside as he was about to leave, her blue eyes freezing him, “But it stands for you, too. If either of them comes to harm… I will cut off your head.” Her hand gripping the axe he knew she could use so well.  
“My Lady Dis…” He said, gently resting his hand on her shoulder, feeling the tremors of fear running through her, “If they come to harm, I will let you.”

He knelt on the frosted ground, the back of his neck bared to her.  
“My Lady Dis,” He spoke to her travel-worn boots, “I have failed you.”  
“Dwalin.” a cold hand rested on his cheek, and he looked up at her, “Stand.” she said, quietly, and he did. He made no move to escape or protect himself, standing with his head high, looking her in the eye as she drew her axe.  
She dropped it, carefully so as not to injure the blade, and they stood both unarmed for a moment before she threw herself against his chest, her fingers digging into his furs as she wept.  
“Don’t leave me Dwalin.” she begged breathlessly between sobs, “Don’t leave me, you’re the only family I have left.”  
She was cold, desperately cold against him, and he drew his cloak around her, holding her to him as she shattered – the strength that had gotten her this far spent, and nothing left but a broken woman clinging to the only brother she had left.  
“I’m here.” he said, the only thing he could say. He could not promise her that he would not die, he was a warrior and would always be, with all the risk that entailed…  
“I’m here, Dis. I’m here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s notes: In my headcannon for this story, since Dwarf Women are very uncommon, their culture encourages you, if you’re in love with a woman who isn’t interested, that you remain her friend, and support her in any way you can, and uncle her children, and everyone’s cool about the whole thing… so what Dwalin does here isn’t a weird thing.
> 
> According to Tolkien Cannon, Dis is 12 years older than Dwalin, and Thorin is 14 years older than Dis. However, according to Movie Cannon, Dwalin is older than Thorin… so *throws cannon to the wind* I’m going to say that Dis is about 14 years younger than Thorin, and Dwalin is about 10 to 15ish years older than Thorin. I have chosen to keep the cannon age spacing so that that Frerin is five years younger than Thorin, and nine years older than Dis.
> 
> According to Tolkien Cannon, the battle of Azanulbizar happened before Fili and Kili were born, but since in the Movie the timeline between the fall of Erebor and the events of the Hobbit seems to be shortened (Thorin is certainly no child when Erebor falls) I have decided that Dis’ husband was also lost there. You know… because we all need extra heartbreak.


End file.
